I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
