I cannot find my penis.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
