Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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