If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
