i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
