worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
