even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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