Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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