Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
