i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well I just put wine in my tea
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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