i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
