note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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