We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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