if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
