if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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