You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize