it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
