I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize