I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
