I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
