I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
