there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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