So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
