I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
