all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
