I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
