Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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