I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize