He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
