she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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