there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
