Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
