Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
