i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
