Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
