theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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