She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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