ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
