I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
