btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
