dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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