??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
