you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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