Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
