You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
