I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
