where am i from again
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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