i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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