just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
