today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
