he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
