She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i will never coherently bang her
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
