Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
