can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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