The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
