well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
