I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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