If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
