some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
