I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
