you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
