Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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