got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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