Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
