And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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