Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
