we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
