Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
