remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
