You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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