Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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