With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
