nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
