i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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